Most of what i put here is going to consist of me dumping whatever thoughts are rattling around in my head on a piece of internet then calling good...
Today i had a talk with an old friend about a girl i was in a relationship with...
I liked making her happy and I was told that i made her happy many times.
So when my relationship ended naturally the first thing i thought was... why would somebody give up something that makes them happy? even if you have to fight for it some times...
I recalled my ongoing struggle with what ill call "living in the moment", when i say i struggle with this what i mean is that when I find myself in a happy moment, which happens frequently when i got to hold this beautiful young woman in my arms, rather than allowing the happy just wash over me and soak in it... I found myself dwelling on when the next moment was going to be... or rather IF there was going to be a next moment. Even when I had no reason to doubt that there would be.
I bring all this up because now upon recalling this relationship I am afraid that she is ok with simply recalling happiness rather than creating more of it.
Is it my place to take issue with other peoples choices regarding happiness?
I so badly want her to be happy... why should she settle for the memory of it rather than the thing itself? Is it my place to wish happiness upon another? Is it right or wrong to sit by idly if i am capable of doing such a thing as giving happiness to another? Is it a tragedy if somebody could be happy if they chose to be and just never chose to be?
"I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you."
- Dr. Seuss
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