Sometimes the people who are most worthy of affection are the ones who struggle the most with it.

I can imagine myself talking with somebody i've know for a long time and saying: "nobody really cares about me"
I imagine that other person then responding with something like: "George, your whole life you've been surrounded by people who have loved and expressed their love and affection for you. Yet you have the audacity to believe that nobody cares about you? That is ridiculous!"
To the person i would then reply: "Yes... I do believe that... its unfortunate but true, furthermore i have no right to believe that, i have no right to feel that way, but that doesn't change the fact that i do feel that way. What you need to remember is that just because you show a person affection doesn't mean that they receive it. Sometimes its a matter of how you show affection. For some people giving means more than any material gift that you can give, and for others the opposite is true. But the most important thing that you can never forget is that a person can't be loved if they don't love themselves... and im sorry to admit that i don't care much for myself."

Is it better to have love for yourself at the price of the love of others,
or to have the love of others at the price of the love for yourself?

On happyness and others.

Most of what i put here is going to consist of me dumping whatever thoughts are rattling around in my head on a piece of internet then calling good...

Today i had a talk with an old friend about a girl i was in a relationship with...
I liked making her happy and I was told that i made her happy many times.
So when my relationship ended naturally the first thing i thought was... why would somebody give up something that makes them happy? even if you have to fight for it some times...

I recalled my ongoing struggle with what ill call "living in the moment", when i say i struggle with this what i mean is that when I find myself in a happy moment, which happens frequently when i got to hold this beautiful young woman in my arms, rather than allowing the happy just wash over me and soak in it... I found myself dwelling on when the next moment was going to be... or rather IF there was going to be a next moment. Even when I had no reason to doubt that there would be.

I bring all this up because now upon recalling this relationship I am afraid that she is ok with simply recalling happiness rather than creating more of it.
Is it my place to take issue with other peoples choices regarding happiness?
I so badly want her to be happy... why should she settle for the memory of it rather than the thing itself? Is it my place to wish happiness upon another? Is it right or wrong to sit by idly if i am capable of doing such a thing as giving happiness to another?  Is it a tragedy if somebody could be happy if they chose to be and just never chose to be?

"I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you."
- Dr. Seuss

HA I POSTED THE FIRST COMMENT... on my own blog... FRIST

First post...

I both do and don't know what i'm doing here...
I'm not that great of a writer.
But i know putting this stuff here might help me, and if i'm lucky it will help somebody else who need it somewhere out there.

Im here because there are no winners in a battle with yourself.

The glass is half full.